"Declan Carroll's Unfortunate Death"
"No one ever spoke of Declan Carroll without mentioning his rather unfortunate death at the age of twenty-four. Some said it was a tragedy – his future greatness, of which there had never been any doubt, snuffed out by a cruel, indifferent world; others said it was the funniest thing they had ever heard. But all agreed that Declan had been far too young, and that it was a shame all of his accomplishments would be forever overshadowed by one brief error in judgment..." To read the entire story click here.
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- Mr. Martin
posted by Corey Charron @ 1:51 PM
54 comments
54 Comments:
The short story “Declan Carroll’s Unfortunate Death”, was written with a clear intent: to drive the reader to the brink of madness. For the full duration of the story, the only question on the reader’s mind, is ‘how exactly did Declan bite the dust?’ and that question never does get answered.
I completely realize that the point of the ending was to get us to use our imagination, but quite frankly I was not content with the way the story concluded. Without telling us how Declan died, the story doesn’t seem to even have a point to it. Don’t get me wrong, the story was effective in its own way, I just didn’t enjoy it. After reading it I felt cheated and ripped off for not being told the answer to that nagging question. Or perhaps I am just too lazy, or not creative enough to conjure up an answer.
Compared to your other story “Scratch Ticket”, I felt that this story was inferior. It did catch my attention from the get-go, but I felt like I was at a doctor’s office; I waited impatiently for what seemed like forever to get to the end, and finally see the doctor/get the answer to my burning question.
Although I realize ending the story the way you did was your intention, but personally I didn’t care too much for it.
scott saunders
The short story “Declan Carroll’s Unfortunate Death” is by far one of the worst short stories that I have ever laid my eyes upon. My patience with this story was constantly tested while I was reading it. The spelling errors, the format, and the ending are the parts of the story that forced me to come to the conclusion that I never wanted to read it again.
The spelling errors in this story surprised me. Everyone makes this kind of mistake when writing, so I can understand that maybe on the first few drafts there were some spelling mistakes. Everyone does it. But I would think that if you were going to send a story to be evaluated by a group of people like my class, that you would revise it to the point that there would be absolutely no grammar mistakes. There aren’t too many errors that I noticed, but nevertheless, this disappointed me. Examples: Page 1 “I’ve always regretting leaving him….” Page 6 “Many people talk about him as if her were…..” However, it wouldn’t be fair for me to criticize your work in this way without confessing that I’m guilty of letting a few spelling errors slip through the cracks myself.
The format of this short story was unique, but I still didn’t care for it. It hardly seemed like a short story at all. It was simply a collection of memories and opinions expressed by the characters in the story who knew Declan. It was a biography. It seems to me that if the entire story revolves around a character, then perhaps that character should be alive in the story, not just in the memories of his family and friends. Not that I think he would make much of a character anyway. Most of the characters in the story go on and on about how great Declan was and how he was always the center of attention. And all of the characters think that his death was a shame because he died so young. From what the characters have said, I think Declan was nothing more than a selfish, stubborn kid who always had to be in the spotlight. He thrived on the attention he got from his peers. He seemed to get worse as he got alder too. Whatever childhood innocence he had died out by the time he got to high school. He seemed like a good person when the slurpee stand was mentioned, but that was just the point of view of his friend. Throughout high school, Declan’s popularity only grew. And by the time he got to university, it was mentioned that there were few people on campus who didn’t know of him. This wouldn’t have been the case if Declan had of accepted any offers form the universities in the larger cities. Declan knew that if he went on to a university full of students who could match his intelligence and popularity, he wouldn’t be the center of attention. That is why he decided to stay home and continue to be a big fish in a small pond.
I think that Declan planned to die. He knew that if he died a tragic death in a town as small as his, he would forever be remembered. He would be one of those people who lived fast, died young, and left a good looking corpse. But in Declan’s case, his corpse wouldn’t have been so good looking. But Declan achieved his goal. As the anonymous man said, “The guy’s bigger than he ever was, man.”
This story builds up a lot of tension and suspense when it explains that Declan died a horrible death. But in the end, the reader never finds out exactly how he died, which is one of the worst endings I have ever read. My hopes were shattered when the story just ended like that. Worst ending EVER. It is obvious that I disliked this story and will never read it again, or expose it to the eyes of anyone else.
"Declan Carroll’s Unfortunate Death" by Corey Charron, was a very poor written story. I hated this story because it didn’t tell how Declan Carroll died. I found this stupid, because I read the whole thing wondering what happened to Declan, and it doesn’t even say. I also disliked this story, because it wasn’t as detailed as the story “The Scratch Ticket”. I also liked how “The Scratch Ticket” was more reasonable and cleaver. This is why I say these stories don’t even compare.
The story "Declan Carroll’s Unfortunate Death" was by far one of the worst, and most stupid short stories that my eyes have gazed upon. I really hate this story with a passion, mainly because it was a waste of precious paper, because it lacked in everything except for punctuation. This also leads me to another reason why I hate this story. I also hate this story, because it has words spelt wrong such as “I’ve always regretting leaving him to go off to Yale”. It was simple things like this that detoured me from the story. I also didn’t like the fact that they sold slurpees instead of lemon-aid. I can’t believe that when you need to make money you sell slurpees, which is two times as hard to make as classic lemonade. This does not seem logical to me, and it seems to me that you would be losing money, because of all the ingredients, and equipment that are needed to make the finishing product.
Throughout this story I asked myself questions like why did the author write this story so horrible compared to “The Scratch Ticket”, which was a excellent story. I couldn’t come up with a answer, so I would like to ask you this question, and hopefully get a reply. There is one thing I half to admit, I did like the part where it mentions that Declan argues about evolution versus creation. I like this part, because it is funny and because it reminds me of a time when my brother argued with his teacher over the theory of evolution.
I hated this story and the name Declan which I felt was annoying, like others in my class. The part that really ruined this story for me was the conclusion. I didn't like the conclusion because I thought it was to basic, and it left me mad, because I wanted to know how Declan died. I would like to why this story was written, was it about a friend of yours or a loved one, who died tragically. I also want to state that this story didn’t seem to have the realism, or captivity as The Scratch Ticket”, which greatly disappointed me. In my opinion I think you made a good move not to publish this story, because I didn’t enjoy this story at all. To me it seemed like a choir to keep reading on, but everyone has their ups and downs, so since I loved “The Scratch ticket” I won’t hold this
Just wanted to compliment the students on the quality of their reponses. I am anxiously waiting for the author to become a part of these conversations. Well done. Keep it up.
~Craig Duplessie
School District 16
At a very young age we learn to make decisions and communicate to the world what we as people want and need. Whether it’s removing the orange candy from the box, or the green peppers on the pizza we are given the ability to take what we get and pick it apart like scavengers until it satisfies our desires. As a reader, there are several key elements in a story that feed my literary needs, three of which to me are crucial. A great climax, an interesting plot and general thought provoking ideas are just the sauce I need to make up a written pizza of epic proportions.
“And the man brought his foot to the edge of the cliff and...” a climax is a vital ingredient in any stories dough, or foundation. As for the climax in your story, I wasn’t really sure when it was. I understand (I think) that the narrator’s purpose originally was to tell the reader about how nobody ever mentioned Declan Carroll without mentioning his unfortunate death. Then through out the story (while talking about Declan and all the good times they had) he realizes that Declan should be remembered by all the great things he has done, as apposed to the tragic ending of his life. Therefore the climax would be when he lets us know in the end -specifically the last paragraph- that he started writing, right?
Dough, sauce, pepperoni, other meats, and last but certainly not least, cheese. The sequence of events in a piece of writing may be slightly more complex than the order of toppings on a pizza, but they are none the less equally as important. Had you told us in the beginning that the narrator was only telling us about Declan and wasn’t going to let us know how he died, we probably would not have continued reading. But because you laid out the path wonderfully, we did continue to read, and I can’t say I regret it.
It’s the secret ingredient, the “what did the author really mean?” that I truly love about a story. I love to think about it and no offense because I know that’s not what you were going for, but you didn’t really give me any of that. I also thought that there were so many other directions that you could have taken that topic, and I just felt like you took the easy way out. It’s like when an author uses “and then he woke up”, it doesn’t really tie up any loose ends, it’s not clever, and I felt so let down.
We may pick things apart, and judge in an opinionated fashion, but we don’t always overlook the good. Declan Carroll’s Unfortunate Death was not all around disappointing; it was like a pretty good pizza with a couple of gross toppings. It had a solid dough, well placed topping, maybe not a little pinch of something special, but I just didn’t really like the direction you took it. It was a little under cooked.
Once again, I really enjoyed this short story. It was very different, unlike anything I have read before. I was never left feeling so empty after reading a story.
Although, I will admit, the first few moments after reading the story all I felt was complet disapointement. I didn't understand why or how it ended. I honestly read and reread the last paragraph trying to find the reason why he died. Thinking I missed something the first time I read it.
After discussing the story with the class I have come to realize the beauty of the story and why the narrator choose not to tell us the reason of Declan's death. Without saying much about it, the narrator simply wanted Declan to be remembered for the good and fun things he did in life, and I think thats how everyone whats to be remembered when they die. Not the reason of death, but the things that discribes them the most before they passed away. I thought it was cool how you made the reader think about the story in different ways, as our class was divided in several ways. Everyone had different ideas about the story.
Since you didn't tell us the excate reason of Declan's death, I would have like to heard more about Declan just before he died. I think that would have left me feeling more at ease by the end of the story. Or maybe even gave us a few more hints about his death. But I suppose thats the point of the story, to use your noodle and figure it out for yourself.
Once it's all said and done, I guess I really liked this story. It kept me guessing and wanting to read ahead. It made you use your imagination, and thats what I liked most about it.
Mr.Martin handed us your story ‘Declan Carrolls Unfortunate death’ and I must say correy,your story wasn’t in my opinion as good as scratch ticket.I found it all right at first.And I really founf it funny whan the fat guy slipped and fell but the ending leaves you hanging.Idon’t really like those endings unless it’s a movie and you know there is going to be a second one.
I would have really liked to have known how Declan died.But all in all I think that you are a very good writter.The reasson I liked the first was because seemed just like a story about two kids tha set up a lemonade stand,but it ends up being more than that.so,I guesse that the story wasn’t that bad,but I liked the last one better.
Questions :
1)Why did you choose not to tell us how Declan died?
2)Did you ever have a friend like Declan?
3)Why was Declans death so different from anyone else’s?
4)Did you yourself like this story more than scatch ticket?
I enjoyed this short story quite a bit more than “Scratch Ticket”. I found it more interesting, which is probably because I can relate to this one easier. This story also had more suspense. I really wanted to read ahead of the rest of the class to find out the cause of Declan Carroll’s unfortunate death, but regrettably, that information was not disclosed in the story. That was the one thing that I didn’t like about this short story.
When I finally found out that I wasn’t going to get to know what happened to him, I was pretty annoyed. But looking back at the story, I now realize that the whole focus of it is Declan’s life, and not his death. The narrator in the short story tells of the memories people have of Declan. I think he does this because he wants Declan to be remembered for his wonderful accomplishments and his good qualities. He doesn’t want him to be forever remembered for his well-known death.
Knowing this, the fact that I do not get to discover the cause of Declan’s death doesn’t bother me as much. If the narrator did reveal how Declan died, it would defeat the purpose of the story. Although, I’m still a tiny bit curious.
Hi there all!
Thanks for reading another one of my stories and I am glad everyone is so passionate about Declan and his fate. I am just going to cut to the chase and get to the thing that ticked some of you off so much. Declan Carroll's Unfortunate Death started with the first line of the story. I was driving home one day with the window open and the words zipped into my head from somewhere out on the street; I knew I had the first piece of something interesting. Then I had to decide how he died and that came to me pretty quickly as well. So, when I sat down at my computer to get to work on it, I figured I had the beginning and an ending and just needed to fill in the middle. I wrote Declan's story all the way to the point the narrator decides he wants to write down his thoughts on Declan when I realized there was no way I was actually go into the specifics of how he died. I know many of you felt cheated because I never how he died, but imagine how you would have felt if I had spilled the beans at the end. It would have seriously soften the empact of the entire story and no matter what it was, you no likely would have been disappointed. Sure you would have been able to say - ah, I see, but that would likely have been it and Declan Carroll would soon be forgotten. Instead, here you are still thinking about him, still wondering about him, still trying to figure him out, and writing me long, sometimes rambling, scathing letters about him. It is truly great. I really feel like I've accomplished what I set out to do.
As you discussed in your class, revealing how Declan died would have also weakened all that was said about his life and the events aftewards. How did he die? There are lots of clues in the story, and if I told you, you would no doubt be able to pick out the various clues I dropped into the story, but what's wrong with having to make up your own mind? How do you think he died? Can you pick out some of the clues?
Scott Saunders said in his letter that he was disappointed I missed some typing errors, and he implied this was a sign I wasn't taking you guys seriously. Sorry Scott. You've got a good eye. Actually, I go through my stories at least ten times from first draft to the finaly one, but there are always a few that get by me.
Jarred McGinn asked if I like Declan Carroll more than Scratch Ticket and the answer is yes I do. Declan is one of my favorites of my stories.
I will focus on your specific questions and comments tomorrow and in the next couple of days. As Mr. Duplessie said in his brief note, the thought you have put into your comments is indeed impressive. Thanks again for reading both of my stories.
Corey
Fantabulous work Corey. You are providing us with a very unique and genuine opportunity and we all thank you for it. It is not everyday where a grade 10 English class and their lowly teacher have the chance to "talk shop" with the writer of some of the stories they work on in class. I am both highly impressed and proud of the amount of input these students have been generating from our discussions.
Our process isn't overly complicated, we attack each story in literature circles (it's a group discussion where each of the five members have a specific role they need to fill in order to analyse the story) and then we open up a class discussion based on what is being discovered in their groups.
Our next story is another of your published works, "A Man and His Routine" (Storyteller - Canada's Short Story Magazine). Could you provide us with some background on it?
Looking forward to it, and again, thanks for providing such a great opportunity to us!
Your friend,
Robin Martin
Hey Corey,
I have recently read your short story “Declan Carrol’s Unfortunate Death”. I thought it was an awesome story, the ending however, made me sort of mad.
I was reading along enjoying the story, and then the ending comes, and I thought “yeah, we’re finally going to find out how the guy died”, but no, nothing. After finishing the story I found myself reading the ending over a couple of times to make sure I didn’t miss anything, and I didn’t. After thinking about it for a little, I realized that anything could have happened to Declan, it was simply up to me and my imagination to come up with what.
Also, I liked the way you described things, especially the way you told the story about the slurpee stand, and when the characters said something, I could really hear their voices.
All in all, I really enjoyed this story along with the ending, unlike when I first read it. I have a couple of questions for you regarding this story.
1. I know you’re probably going to get this question a million and one times but anyways, why did you choose to end the story by not telling us the reason Declan died?
2. What inspired you to write this short story?
3. Are some events in this story true, and are that things that you experienced as a kid? For example the slurpee stand.
4. Growing up or even to date, did you know anyone like Declan?
-Jessica
“Declan Carroll’s Unfortunate Death” was a well written story in my opinion, but I was very disappointed with your ending.
I was really into the story, and I really liked how you had a climax, only to let us down.
Not telling us how he died really made me angry, I was looking forward to the ending of the story, like I always say “I read the last page first” but since we read it in class, I couldn’t.
I really like your writing, except the one part in this story when we don’t find out about his death. I also noticed that there were some spelling and grammar errors in this story, but that’s nothing big, everyone makes mistakes. (Especially this comment!)
I like your writing, this story is another good story, I think that Declan died of alcohol poison or drug overdose, like you said in the story “he did some crazy things.” I think Declan was a really good person, but like everyone else he had the evil, and bad side. I think Declan did some things that he regretted doing.
Or on the other hand, I think maybe Declan wanted to be one of those live fast, die young people. He could have planned his death by over dose. These are just some guesses on your story ending.
Did your story ever have an ending? If so, could you tell me?
Are all your stories written with a lot of suspense?
I just finished reading the new comments that were sent to me here and to my email. Thanks again for your continued interest and I am glad some of you are no longer quite so angry with the ending. As I said yesterday, I definitely know how Declan died and thought long and hard about including all of the shocking details, but decided in the end it was better to leave it up to the reader. As a writer - and still aspiring one at that - I think it is important to have faith in the people who read my work. And I'm sure you have heard this said a million time, because I know I have, but it is true so here it is: somethings are best left up to the imagination. Tim Robichaud wrote what he thought might have happened to Declan. Does anyone else have any ideas?
Some of you also asked if anything in the story was based on true events. Most of it is just my imagaination, but I guess like all writers, all of my characters have little pieces of people Ive known in my real life in them. When I was in elementary school I knew a guy named Trent Good who was just as good as Declan was at the flexed arm hang forever, and I was definitely thinking of Trent when I was writing that part of the story. Bradley O'Hearn said he thought the slurpee scene was unrealistic, but it was also inspired by true. I tried it one summer and failed miserably, but about a week later, two girls down the street from my house made a killing. They bought a jumbo bag of ketchup chips afterwards and one of them threw up all over the school baseball diamond bleachers. Man it was gross! Red goo was dripping all over the place. Her name was Dawn Something or Other. She was only about eight or nine, but from them on she was always know as the spew girl and I think she was dateless all the way through high school and university, finally gave up and became a nun. See, now I bet you are wishing I'd just left all of that out.
Thanks again for all of the comments. I'm looking forward to seeing what else you to say.
Declan Carroll’s Unfortunate Death
I found this story exceedingly thought provoking because of the way Declan Carroll’s personality is expressed, the mixed reactions to his death, and of course the reason Declan’s death is not explained.
It seemed that Declan Carroll was someone everyone could enjoy being around and was obviously quite gifted academically, but that’s all. Although it is explained plainly what everyone’s reaction to him is, the question that comes to me is what his reaction to everyone else was. What was his mindset when he stayed in his hometown instead of leaving to further his education. Could it be that he enjoys the way he is respected in the town he currently lives in, that he feels no need to prove himself in more prestigious schooling or some other way of thinking? I find it impossible to fully understand the character in this story without knowing this.
Another part of this story that is interesting is the reaction to his death. Some people found it funny while others found it devastating. It seemed, in my opinion that the narrator’s reaction was neither. He seems to have taken it as a revelation that death is inevitable and it can and will happen. I don’t believe this realization to be possible unless a similar situation occurs to someone. In this way I do not mean that we don’t know death is inevitable, but only that we refuse to fully accept death and truly believe in it, which a possible theme of this story.
There could be many reasons that Declan Carroll’s death is not told. I think the main reason is that it is irrelevant to the theme. The story seems to be written as a fictional or based on truth tribute to someone and to tell how he died could only take from the initial meaning of either.
As you can see I have no shortage of opinion on your writing. This is mostly focused on the way Declan Carroll’s personality is expressed, the reactions of his death, and why his death is not fully described.
There was one aspect of the story “Declan Carroll’s Unfortunate Death” that was remarkable to me: the disappointment the reader felt at not discovering how he passed.
I personally was let down with the conclusion of the piece. The entire story was based loosely on Declan’s life, but mainly on his death. Finding out whether he had been crushed by a vending machine, caught in an industrial-caliber revolving door, or had tried to play the speed bump in front of a semi in a drunken stupor would have lended the work closure.
In the end, the disappointment I felt at not unravelling the mystery of the man’s demise was what marred an otherwise flawless piece of literature for myself.
I agree with JP. Finding out that he'd been crushed by a vending machine could have improved the story in numerous ways.
“Declan Carroll’s Unfortunate Death,” in my opinion was not the best story I have ever read, however it did have some very good points and ideas. Although many will disagree, I thought not mentioning how unfortunate his death really was a very clever move on the authors behaves. The character, Declan being so liked and envied also made the story unusual, but also very attention grabbing, going against the cliché, the bad guy always die, or even the good guy always win. Another aspect of the story that I took note on was his use of words, and how the scenarios that he chose, seem very realistic, and I could actually relate to some, making the story more interesting and enjoyable.
The ending of the story, was somewhat disappointing to me and more then likely many others. I could say I got my hopes up, but that would be a lie. If the narrator had told us the ending it would have felt more complete, but I have to say I would not have liked the story if he had told us how he dies at the very end. Not telling us, makes the readers imagination wonder, asking themselves questions like, “ How did he die?”, “Is he really dead?”. My personally opinion is that no one knows how Declan really passed, and the community has nothing better to do but think up the many ways, in which he could have died. The intelligent mind of this author, had our attention from the beginning, by not mentioning how he passed, and kept us thinking at the end of the story. By him not mentioning exactly how he died, started a class debate between some very disappointed teens. I also noticed the last sentence, “This time thought when I got home, I decided I was going to compose a short record of the life worth remembering. I sat down and started writing.” Not only is it giving us thought, like I mentioned earlier but also showing how much Declan meant to the narrator, and perhaps his life really is worth remembering.
In most stories, the good guy always wins, and sadly the bad guy dies. This story went against this well-known cliché, depressing us all by having a young successful and giving man, die. This was very thought provoking, and makes me wonder. Maybe someone was so jealous of Declan that they had killed him. Describing past memories, such as the slurpee stand also make us feel for the character, and perhaps even the town people for loosing such an important member of their community. I have learned over the years, and author does everything on purpose, and adding little details, and flashbacks are all intended, I think the writer is very good at what he does, seeing how not one part of the story did I not want to read more, and figure out what had happened. To me it seems like the narrator knew Declan so well, that there may be a possibility that he is the 24 year old man who passed away. “He wasn’t even close to any of those things, and if he could hear them, he would no doubt at first have a good laugh at such suggestions and then perhaps be horrified. As I’ve already said, he preferred jazz, and like most people,” I think such a twist on the story, could make it superior.
Being able to connect with the story also makes it more likeable. There are many parts in the short story that I could relate to, one being the slurpee stand. When the childhood memory was first mention, I immediately remembered sitting by a wooden table at the end of the driveway selling lemonade, and taking my earning and spending it on penny candy. I think the author chose the scene because so many of us had done something similar to that as a young child.
As I mentioned before, the story was somewhat disappointing, but had its points, which made it better. These include the ending, and how his death was never reveled, how Declan was so well liked, and how the reader, like me could connect with certain parts of the story.
Let me give it to you straight, Corey San; your story was the epitome of irritation. Nothing personal to your unique style of writing, or the simplicity and commonplace communications through which your details are portrayed, oh no; nothing your editor will gouge later on. The irritation lies in the initial (hopefully intentional, or otherwise pointless) fallout of suspense which your short story delivers.
Throughout the story, Declan's unfortunate demise is constantly mentioned. In fact, it is the title of the entire piece. Repeatedly, the reader is reminded of the horrible death Declan suffers at such a young age, and is pressed to read on. After a myriad of interesting, but undeniably meaningless anecdotes, the reader reaches several points where perhaps Declan's finale is revealed. But it never is. Even as I read and re-read and re-read and re-read the final paragraph, no hint whatsoever appeared regarding the gory termination of Declan's existence. Nothing. Zip. Rien. 何も.
Other than the terrible state of Declan's body, which is vaguely mentioned, not a single drop of blood is shed throughout the tale. The reader is constantly being wound up, only to fall flat, hoping for a revelation of promised death that never occurs. In other words, the reader is bound to read an otherwise pointless document on the grounds that a disgusting disfigurement will be revealed later on.
Don't try to tell me that the story had any non-sentimental value, because it did not. The story, to be perfectly rude, was fluff. But the cunning nexus of suspense which is Declan's death, gives a central focus holding the fluff together. The series of little tid-bit memories (which sounded more like a write up in the school year book than a short story) orbits around the fact that some poor shmuck who may or may not have been a local saint, got trampled by a steamroller or caught fire from the neck down. Clever. Clever and sinister.
If I were to give any advice at all, it would be to extend the story. I don't like being ripped off, but I enjoy the shock factor that follows being ripped off. Like pulling the strings of our emotions, you carelessly threw our class into a World War Three debate. (If you happen to receive a letter from BRYCE MACDONALD, be sure to disagree with everything he says. You may not understand, but he will) By extending the story, you only further the disappointed rage felt by your hordes of readers. Keep Declan's death a secret, but line up the pins a little more.
I can't say your story sucked, because it didn't. I can't say it will win a Booker, because it won't. Though it may not have been a story that shattered my life, it has stuck with me, and for that I commend you. And although I know it goes against the writer's code, could you please tell me how Declan died? If you don't, I fear our war back in the classroom may continue.
Good stuff folks. I can't help but notice how some of your views have softened since the very first reaction until now. When we first finished the story, I braced myself for a miniature riot on my class, but it is fantastic to see you emabracing the piece as a whole (noting the author's writing style and his use of literary device) and not just a story that suits your tastes. Keep those comments coming.
Oh, by the way, my last post on how your views had "softened" was written BEFORE I read Loggie's response! Good stuff Mark, you didn't mince any words or give the author undue lip-service in that post! My favorite quote:
"If I were to give any advice at all, it would be to extend the story. I don't like being ripped off, but I enjoy the shock factor that follows being ripped off."
I agree completely, you don't like being literarily shortchanged, but you appreciate the fact that he was able to do it to you.
Well said.
Recently our teacher Robin Martin gave us your short story “ Declan Carroll’s Unfortunate Death”. I myself think this story could have been written better than it was, by putting more suspense and detail into the story. Although there were some spelling mistakes and grammar it’s not like anyone else hasn’t made mistakes before and the class has no right to criticize about it since we are only in grade 10 and haven’t been writing our entire lives.
I enjoyed the story more and more after reading it over more than one’s. I discovered you did leave some clues about his death, especially at page 6 when he was thinking of what everyone said about how he might have died. You put more focus on when he said that Declan was unhappy and chose to kill himself. It seemed like the most unrealistic way for him to go when you read the story but you still made a big deal out of it.
My first thought when I red the story was that Declan was anorexic because it mentioned him vomiting several times. After re-reading it there was no way anorexia could make your body look like bulls trampled him. I myself think that the cause of death was suicide. His life was perfect but he was unhappy and could live with himself any longer. I don’t pacifically no the way he died but I think I may have the reason and I’m going to stick to that theory.
All in all I really like this story and can’t wait to read more of them.
Great comments. They are getting more fun to read every day. I especially like that although some of you would no doubt like to strangle me, all of your criticisms are well thought out and not just rants. And think about this: if I had revealed how Declan died, we wouldn't be having so much fun. As for what I think of your ideas about how Declan died, I think they all stink. Ha! Just having a little fun with you. I think they are very imaginative and would have fit nicely at the end - tied up things rather well - but remember, the narrator repeatedly said that the manner of Declan's death was unusual enough to catch the attention of at least Canada and the U.S. and possibly beyond. Incidentally, I did have a friend who used to rock vending machines to get free Cokes out of them, but he is very much alive. I can't wait to see more.
And I want to say again that I have read all of your comments. Because of the time difference we are on opposite schedules, but I will try and respond as quickly as possible.
Mr. Martin, what do you think of the ending?
Lastly, many of you have said Declan is very different from Scratch Ticket. This puts a smile on my face everytime I read it because whenever I start on a new story I always set out to try and do something a little different.
Later skaters
I personally was let down with the conclusion of the piece. The entire story was based loosely on Declan’s life, but mainly on his death. Finding out whether he had been crushed by a vending machine, caught in an industrial-caliber revolving door, or had tried to play the speed bump in front of a semi in a drunken stupor would have lended the work closure.
Personally, I agree with what J.P said, but I beleive that Declan died of a very strange suicide. I suspect that he had gotten drunk one night, and wondered off. Only to pass out on the road, with his head on the side walk. I also suspect maybe he literlly did pass out in a Cowyard, therefore being trampled by a pack of cows.
The short story “ The Unfortunate Death of Declan Carroll” by Corey Charron was a well-written story with suspense and an ending that I actually started to enjoy.
At first (like most people), I was frustrated with the ending because I really wanted to know what had happened to him. Then, I saw the reaction of everyone and thought he wanted everyone to react like that. It seemed like you were teasing everyone and I thought it was pretty good. Also, it left possibilities in your head, imagining what could have happened to Declan Carroll.
Other than that, I enjoyed the story because it makes you want to keep reading. It makes you want to find out what happened while you’re going through the story and then, nothing, no big ending, but still a good story.
The main idea of the story was a little foggy at first, because I thought it was all the anticipation of the death, and then after I saw there was no big ending, I realized that the story was all about his life and the memories he had endured.
Compared to “Scratch Ticket,” I thought it was better because I actually wanted to keep reading this one (no offence) and figure out what happened.
Even though I didn’t think much of the ending at first, I came to enjoy it more and more with the reactions of others and now think it was very clever.
Despite the other responses, I found that “ The Unfortunate Death of Declan Carroll” was one of the better short stories we’ve read this year.
In all honesty, I had mixed emotions about this piece of writing. I did not really know what to think about it. I was disappointed but I also thought that the flashbacks to the older days with Declan put a nice spin on the story.
I did not like how Mr.Charron didn’t finish explaining Declan Carroll’s death. Throughout the story he had dropped little hints about what might have happened, but they weren’t exactly direct. If the author had attempted to make them clearer, I probably would have enjoyed it a lot more.
One thing I did find intriguing about the short story was when he thought back to when they were younger. I found it added so much more detail to the story.
Overall, I found this story had its ups and downs but I guess it is impossible to please every reader. Maybe with a bit of tweaking, this story would have it’s full potential…but that is just what I think.
Just looking over some of the earlier comments and some complain, some rant, some realize the writing for what it is. Bryce MacDonald said:
The short story “Declan Carroll’s Unfortunate Death”, was written with a clear intent: to drive the reader to the brink of madness. For the full duration of the story, the only question on the reader’s mind, is ‘how exactly did Declan bite the dust?’ and that question never does get answered.
I really enjoyed Marley's "pizza metaphor" where she compares a given piece of writing to a pizza (ingenius work Marley!). Tim Wingate, J.P. Barry and Tim Robichaud have interesting "Declan death theories", but only the author knows the true nature of his death. Alas, this is still a mystery to me as well.
On one hand, I'm curious, but on the other, I like not knowing. Like Mark Loggie pointed out, despite feeling cheated, the shock value that comes along with it is worth the read.
25 comments on this post and counting.
I also liked Scott Saunders' observation that Declan was nothing more than a "selfish, stubborn kid who always had to be in the spotlight". He doesn't share the narrator's view that his death was unfortunate. one of the quotes I liked was:
Declan knew that if he went on to a university full of students who could match his intelligence and popularity, he wouldn’t be the center of attention. That is why he decided to stay home and continue to be a big fish in a small pond.
Nice work, Scott.
It was nice too read the new comments when I got home from work. The one thing that strikes me today is the overall quality of your writing. Right from the first email I received everyone seemed to be taking the assignment seriously, but a lot of them seemed tentative and unsure. That is clearly not the case anymore. I've read my share of book reviews over the years and your comments are in many cases much better thought out and supported than a lot of them. If you had just said Declan was crap I wouldn't have given them a second thought, but there is no way I can ignore the arguments you made. Before coming to Japan, I worked at a newspaper and whenever someone said something bad about a story I wrote (which of course was super, super rare. Ha again.), it was always something like, "Cor, that piece you wrote was total dog turd. You never get a damn thing right." Then ignoring my cry for me info, they would invariably storm off without saying another word (presumably to a coffee shop somewhere to bad-mouth me further). And to be honest once they were out the door I usually forgot all about them. You, however, I am forced to take seriously. Anyone can mouth off, but serious criticism takes work. Thanks.
I'm sure you have already guessed this by now, but I am not going to revealed how Declan actually died. I will say a couple of things, however. First, he did not commit suicide - I think it is pretty clear that would be far too out of character for Declan Carroll, and secondly, many of your theories have come much closer than I would have thought. Some of you have said I should have provided clearer evidence pointing to his demise, but by your responses, I clearly wasn't as vague as you may think.
Thanks once again for taking this so seriously. Most of all, I hope it makes you want to read everything you can get your hands on. If you really want to laugh and have a lot to think about, check out A Memory of Running by Ron McLarty. Great read.
Declan Carroll’s unfortunate death
I found Declan Carroll’s unfortunate death to be a very well written however controversial story. The class was widely divided on the subject of your ending; to me it wouldn’t have been relevant to the plot if you would have told the reader how Declan died. What was important is that the reader learns of what a great person Declan really was and in doing so we are brought into the story as if we actually know the protagonist. However many of my classmates disagreed with me and were unhappy about the ending you chose for this story, “not naming anyone Megan K”. I guess that’s what a good story is supposed to do, create conflict amongst its reader.
After hearing a few of your responses to my classmates blogs, I went back into the story and searched for clues you had left us of how Declan died however I was unable to come up with a relevant answer, but I am shore it has to do with alcohol.
All in all I really enjoyed reading both Declan Carroll’s unfortunate death and the scratch ticket, they were very good and they sparked a few heated debates in class.
Well the story, Declan Carroll’s Unfortunate Death was well over all an O.K. story. Over all I really liked it. The parts I liked most will be listed below. In order of most favorite to least... and yes there was a really bad part.
First of all, my most favorite part was when you talked about how amazing Declan really was. And when you talked about all the childhood experiences and such. Like making a Slurries stand was very original. I mean I always thought about making a lemonade stand. But slurries are the next best thing.
Second of all, I kind of liked the part in the funeral. Because the big priest did fall. But it was slight sad as well. Where Did you get that idea? Did you see it happen before? But that would be quite the sight at a funeral.
Third and finally the part I did not well approve of was the ending. I mean yes I know that you didn’t tell us how Declan died because we would have never remembered the story. But it did make me angry none the less. I have many guesses as to what just might have happened to Declan. Number one he could have really been trampled by buffalo. Or number two he was at his bachelor party so maybe something happened there I’m not going to say what but everybody else can guess.
To Conclude I guess the story was overall a good read. I did enjoy it, as it kept me on the edge of my chair. But please could you tell me what really happened to Declan Carroll ?!!?
Last week, my grade 10 class & I had the somewhat pleasure of reading your short story entitled "Declan Carroll's Unfortunate Death". This story, although very good & seemingly well thought out, frustrated the heck out of me. Through out the entire story, i waited anxiously to hear poor Declan Carrolls cause of death, only to have my exitement crushed by the cruelness of the abrupt ending.
Although the conclusion was terribly annoying, I noticed you threw a few hints in the body of the story as to how he passed. I'm hoping those weren't obvious hints, because if they were, then im an idiot. I think you should have gave us just a few more, because saying Declan died tragically then not telling us how, and not giving us enough clues to figure it out on our own is like giving a sucker to a 5 year old, only to yank it away right after she manages to get the wrapper off.
Now, even though i didnt care too much for the way you decided to conclude it, i can't let that last little paragraph ruin the rest of the story. Overall i enjoyed this piece very much. Declan seemed to be an extraordinary person, and I feel bad for him knowing that when people speak his name, his death is usually takes the spotlight. Declan was famous in his town, and people still talked about the poor fellow, but never about the accomplishments of his life short lived, but about the mysterious tragedy that took it.
When you talked about his childhood, and the slurpie stand, i felt like i was right there selling and making the delicious beverages with them. Even when Dalton got sick on the sidewalk, i felt like i was there, as unpleasant as that image was.
So, all in all the story was quite good. It left me with so many different emotions when it was over. I was confused, but understood. I was happy, but sad all the while. And I was empty, but fulfilled at the same time. Not many stories leave me with that, so well done Corey.
Ashley,
Thanks for your last paragraph. Made me feel pretty darn good.
Corey
Marcus,
Sorry, no can do.
Corey
Minutes after reading the story “Declan Carroll’s Unfortunate Death” I felt cheated, as my fellow students probably did. However, after analyzing this story, I’ve come to respect it. The story was well-written and it served its purpose in its own little way. If I was to be the author, I’d be taking sheer pleasure of the pure anger and disgust of the students who were patiently waiting to see how Declan bit the dust.
Compared to Corey’s other story “Scratch Ticket”, I like this one more. I think the writing was superior in “Scratch Ticket”, but I can’t help but love how much grief the ending has caused everyone. This is why I prefer “Declan Carroll’s Unfortunate Death”. Overall, I think the author has achieved two goals: writing a story of a person’s life and driving his reader’s psychotic.
In the past week my grade 10 class read “Declan Carrol’s Unfortunate Death”. It was quite and unusual short story. It makes you think and leaves wondering about it for days; trust me it really does.
First we learn that a young man named Declan Carrol had died in quite an unusual manner.
When I first read this story, I felt very angry that we didn’t find out how he died. Though later on when I read more of the story I found out that was the point. At the first of the short story the narrator said that; “that no one spoke of Declan Carrol with out mentioning his Death”. Yet during the whole story his does not utter a single word about the cause of Declan’s death.
I really liked how Corey didn’t tell us how he died although it still bugs me to this day. But by not telling us it leaves us to really think and wonder which I enjoy in a good story.
So all in all yes this was a good story. But sadly I didn’t enjoy it as much as “Scratch Ticket” also by Corey Charron. It was more enjoyable and relatable, and it didn’t leave us hanging! So if Corey would just tell me how Declan Carrol really died my opinion might just change on this Short story.
Lacey you have some mistakes in your post, but if your like me you noticed them after you posted. No big deal no one is perfect.
I’m going to try to say this very nicely without going to far, but I seriously loathed this story. I kind of wish I could just leave it at that, so I wouldn’t have to be insulting in anyway, but I guess that’s not the case this evening. Unfortunately, you’re going to have to read all my criticism which in my opinion sucks for you, but I guess life isn’t always smiles, and rainbows, eh? So, I guess I’ll start this baby off with all the not so great things about it, and then brighten it up with my somewhat good comments about “Declan Carroll’s Unfortunate Death”.
So, as you know I don’t like this story in the least. The most obvious thing I didn’t like was that nasty unanswered question because I’m just one of those kids who like to be as all knowing as possible. It honestly just annoyed me throughout the whole story, and in a way distracted me from the rest of the story because I was so absorbed in thought of what could have happened. Plus, I felt incredibly cheated, and ripped off. I’m pretty sure I speak for everyone when I say it disappointed me greatly in the end. I felt like I was wasting my time simply reading it because the only reason I read on for was just to get that answer. So, once I realized I wasn’t going to get my answer I felt very infuriated, so I threw the story at my friend. Well, not really I just felt like doing something crazy like that, but yeah, I was just pretty irritated. In a way, I think you didn’t have a good enough death to satisfy the reader, and maybe that’s why you left it unanswered. But, then again, maybe you just really like leaving the reader lost.
Now, I’ll name some positive things about this story or maybe just one. It definitely had that something to keep the reader into it until the end. Personally, I was excited for the ending because I believed it would be something insane (yet, how wrong I was). It also seemed to me that it had a good deal of information about certain things, so it sort of shows that you did indeed put a lot of time, and effort into it. But, I’m pretty sure all writers always put the best effort and so on into it anyways.
But, back to the point I just really hated this story. I guess I liked it a bit more then the “Scratch Ticket”, but not by much. Oddly enough, I’m looking forward to the next story just because I’m curious as to how I’ll react to it, and I’m just hopping my reaction will be more positive then negative. So, that’s basically what I liked, and disliked about the whole story, but I’m going to bail now, so later.
Good stuff Megan. You missed a whole bunch of seething anger and class arguements over Declan Carroll while you were away last week. Take a look at your last line:
"Oddly enough, I’m looking forward to the next story just because I’m curious as to how I’ll react to it, and I’m just hopping my reaction will be more positive then negative.
Other than the author's intent to infuriate you by not telling you what you wanted to know, he also gained your attention by laying out a situation, building the tension, creating questions in your brain...and then leaving you to hang. Read through some of Corey's posts on this thread and see what he had to say. Your classmates shared your frustration, but then in a way, inexplicable to them, some of them enjoyed the fact that they were emotionally invested and then left hung out to dry.
See what others had to say and if you find anything interesting, quote it and comment on it!
Megan,
I of course wish you had liked my story, but regardless, I enjoyed your review of it. In it you speculated that I left out the ending because I couldn't come up with something big enough. Like I said in previous posts, I decided how Declan died early on. I think it would have surprised a lot of people, but still think no matter how it happened, most people would have been disappointed. As I also said previously, I wanted to keep the focus on Declan and his legacy and didn't want to distract from that by getting into how he bit the big one.
Thanks again for being so tough, Megan. I too hope you will like my next story.
Corey
I think that this story was done really great Corey. I especially enjoyed it when the class didn't get to know how Declan died. Everyone started going into a frenzy, and started giving there own ideas on how they thought Declan died.
Personally I liked how you shattered everyones hopes and dreams.It gives me a sense of happiness in some weird way. haha. For a class project i think I am going to write a sequal to this story. In it I will state my opinion on how I thought Declan died.
Anyways im out Corey take care.
From start to finish, Corey Charron keeps us guessing. He talks about how horrific Declan Carrolls death was. It keeps us reading until the end of the story, because we all want to know how he died. When we get to the end and we're finally ready to hear the cause of his brutal death the story ends.
I'm not sure if I like how Corey ended this story. It's almost as if he didn't have a way to end the story. So, he just ended it. If that is the case, it is a poor piece of writing. However, I do not think that that is the case in this short story. He instended on leading us on and making us wonder. And in the end, out of pure cruelty, he did not tell us. Tooché.
In the short story, Declan's friend chooses the memory of when he and Declan sold slurpees together. It makes me wonder why he chose this specific memory. Is there any significance to it?
In the story “ Declan Carroll’s Unfortunate Death” I enjoyed some parts and disliked other. Some part I enjoyed was the way you put Declan on such a high pedestal. This really made me read on throughout the story to find out what happened to Declan. While on this point I would like to say that’s exactly the part I didn’t enjoy. That you didn’t tell us that his death. I know why you did this but I would still like to know.
Some things I noticed was that all your stories we read left us in confusing and in a class battle. Every time we discussed the stories in class the class was split on their opinion. I was wondering if you did this on purpose or if it’s just the way you write?
All in all I really enjoyed your stories and I’m looking forward to reading more.
Corey how many stories have you written??
This story was very strange to me, because of the way it was written. I mean, the way that the narrator spoke about Declan made it seem like he was almost too good to be true.
Another thing that really annoyed me was that it never told us, not even at the end, how he died; it only told us that he died in a somewhat unusual way, and that his body looked as though it had been trampled on by a herd of stampeding buffalo. Did he get crushed by a piano or run over by a baby carriage? It's very confusing, and many of my fellow students were frustrated by this avoidance.
Also, I thought that the memory about the Slurpee stand was really weird; I wouldn't have given up Doritos and Slurpees if I had thrown them up like that. I don't think that very many kids would have, and I don't think any kid that age would have acted that way when they were selling Slurpees.
Overall, I thought that it was a fluffy, weird story, and that it was unlike any other story I have ever read.
Greg...If anything is what you said that story was it was the would you like to buy a vowel comment...But its your choice to hate not mine. So Greg I hate your post.
I really liked what Marley had to say when she wrote her response to "Declan Carroll's Unfortunate Death".My favorite part was when she said:
"Whether it’s removing the orange candy from the box, or the green peppers on the pizza we are given the ability to take what we get and pick it apart like scavengers until it satisfies our desires".
Hey thanks for pointing that out brad but it's all good creative criticizism :). What can I say I worked that day :(
Tyler man, I got to know what "instended" means? You can not state that Corey's writting is a poor piece, when your comment isn't exactly first prize.
So don't sell tickets for the gun show, when your only packing a 9mm.
I really did not like how this story didn't tell me how Declan died. I do understand why you left it out but I think if you would have put it in around the end the story would have been way better.Because in the story it says how extremly terrible and unexpected his death was and when I found out I was never going to know how he died I looked at the story over and over to see if you said it and I missed it but I didn't and it made me try to figure out what happened to him for about a week and I had no luck and just gave up.
In the end I found this story pretty good except for the part where I didn't find out how Declan died.
I absolutely hated this story. It's prettybasic on why I do because of the ending and I hate getting left off with nothing because it takes me a bit longer to understand stories compared to some other people and not telling me how he dies is pretty cruel.
I don't know if this burn is allowed, but Greg the words in your posting is pretty basic. hahaha. Please don't reply, for I will have to burn you again.
Never mind I am a idiot, I put "is" instead of "are" in my post.Hahaha, I am gonna be criticised for that.
Hey Corey,
Just writing back to thank you for even responding to my review of this story. I honestly don’t like saying how much I didn’t like it, but lying isn’t my style either (well, there are exceptions). I’ll admit that I agree with you on how it would have indeed disappointed some simply because we would all probably have conjured up some sort of wild crisis that killed the man. Which I’d say would make us never completely in love with the ending, but oh well. Anyways, I’m going to scat now, later days.
“Declan Carroll’s Unfortunate Death”, was a very, let’s say, interesting story. It wasn’t quite rip the story up, throw it on the ground, and stomp on it, horrible. Yet, it wasn’t Albert Einstein genius or anything. My feelings for this story are once again, mixed.
The story started out pretty good. I was so pumped up and excited to find out what had happened to Declan, because of how well Corey kept us in suspense. I had the biggest urge to flip ahead a few pages and read the very last page just the relieve myself of my anxiousness, but I’m glad I didn’t.
If I had read ahead, I would have been so mad, I think I would have just dropped the story, and refused to read anymore of it. Luckily, I did get to enjoy myself right to that very last sentence when I finally realized I didn’t get to know the big secret behind his death. Boy that was the biggest let down ever. I really enjoyed the writing though and the feeling the whole story gave me, (except of course the sour feeling I was left with at the end).
I think that maybe if Corey would have just dropped us a few more hints as to how Declan died, I would have been satisfied. In the e-mail he sent us, he said he left us clues that really help to figure out how he died, but no matter how many times I read over that story, I couldn’t find any. Not one. I really think if he would of wrote a few more obviously hints, for us people who need things practically shoved in our faces to realize that they’re there, this story would have been extremely enjoyable for me.
So, same as many others of Corey’s stories, these are my feelings. I think Corey is an awesome writer and had better keep laying these stories on us to read. I haven’t quite adored any of his stories yet, but that’s just me. Everyone has their own style of reading, and everyone has their own style of writing. That’s just how we are.
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